it's been around two weeks since my last venting post, and boy, has my mood improved since then.
i had a slight epiphany over what i think contributes to my improvement in mood and overall self-esteem. aside from being more comfortable with my city and my peers, i realized that it has now been almost two months since i switched from hormonal birth control pills to the nexplanon implant.
nexplanon is progestin-based birth control in the form of a matchstick-sized device inserted into the upper arm. hormones are released from the device into the bloodstream. i'm not an expert at this, but after slight research, it's different from the hormones in a normal pill (estrogen and progestogen).
before i switched to the arm implant, i had taken oral birth control pills everyday for the last 4 years. i was always a bit skeptic whenever i heard my friends explain that certain brands or hormones (estrogen) made them "crazy", because i didnt think it made me feel that way. admittedly, i'm still learning to never discredit others by comparing them with my own experiences.
anyways, i always dismissed the typical side effects i've heard from the pill (weight gain, mood swings, cramps, etc) because i never went through it myself. since that happened, i thought the pill was my miracle option for regulating my periods and well, not getting pregnant. however, i never explored my options.
i got my nexplanon implant in mid-March. an anesthetic is applied before inserting the device into your arm. i was bruised for about two weeks before it fully healed and now i have a very tiny scar at the insertion site, but currently no pain or discomfort at all.
in terms of mood, i noticed that i havent been as emotional as i thought i would be. it could be the combination of maturing age and circumstance, but i noticed a slight numbness compared to my mood before. for example, when i first visited japan. there was this air of... melancholy whenever i was here. i was extremely happy, but i was also extremely sad and afraid of the happiness ending and needing to leave this amazing country. i would say that describes my past relationship almost entirely as well. which is quite a large chunk of my life since it lasted for three years. i was always overstimulated with emotions, feeling both happiness and sadness and everything in between all the time. yet i couldnt describe the feeling or even know what was going on, which affected my conflict resolution with others greatly. of course, all these emotions didnt happen solely because of the pill, but i believe it contributed to it now that i'm looking back on it.
i think i have matured a lot since then. it could be because i'm getting older or because i'm now off hormonal birth control. or both. but i'm becoming more self-aware and adulthood isnt so bad, so far.
for my lady friends who are taking or switched from the pill, please feel free to message me about your experience with it, because i'm genuinely interested in having a conversation about it.